Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer: "Hello, can I order..."
Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold on......6102049998-45-54610"
Operator: "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling
from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator: "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator: "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library
last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?" Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash,Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " What!"
Operator: "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic... "
Customer: "What the fuck is going on ?"
Operator: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: [Faints]
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
To win a Nobel prize !!
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge
field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him: "Hey! excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies: "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize.""How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."
field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him: "Hey! excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies: "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize.""How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
What if you say "Fuck you "to the president !!!!
USA
Nothing happens, you become famous, they make you write a book and you make millions of dollars. But meanwhile the President sues you and gets all the money you have.
ENGLAND
The Prime minister says "fuck you too".
FRANCE
Millions of people supports you and says "fuck you" to the president. Meanwhile the president of France writes poems because of his sadness.
JAPAN
The Prime minister says "I'm sorry; I'm not interested on your body."
GERMANY
The police come and say "Please don't fuck the president".
SWEDEN
People vote if they accept you to fuck the Prime minister or not. If the answer is yes you fuck the Prime minister. If the answer is no, the Prime minister shakes your hand.
TURKEY
The president takes his gun and shoots you. He goes to jail for 8 years or escapes the country and Greece welcomes him as a political refugee.
ITALY
You get price quotes from the mafia for realizing your passion.
RUSSIA
The president kisses your mouth.
SAUDI ARABIA
You say, "Fuck you" to the president ... But, there is no president, you feel foolish. But if you say "fuck you" to the king, the king cuts your tongue...
EGYPT
you say "Fuck you" to the president?!? You are too
late my friend; you've already been "Fucked" by the president!!!
Nothing happens, you become famous, they make you write a book and you make millions of dollars. But meanwhile the President sues you and gets all the money you have.
ENGLAND
The Prime minister says "fuck you too".
FRANCE
Millions of people supports you and says "fuck you" to the president. Meanwhile the president of France writes poems because of his sadness.
JAPAN
The Prime minister says "I'm sorry; I'm not interested on your body."
GERMANY
The police come and say "Please don't fuck the president".
SWEDEN
People vote if they accept you to fuck the Prime minister or not. If the answer is yes you fuck the Prime minister. If the answer is no, the Prime minister shakes your hand.
TURKEY
The president takes his gun and shoots you. He goes to jail for 8 years or escapes the country and Greece welcomes him as a political refugee.
ITALY
You get price quotes from the mafia for realizing your passion.
RUSSIA
The president kisses your mouth.
SAUDI ARABIA
You say, "Fuck you" to the president ... But, there is no president, you feel foolish. But if you say "fuck you" to the king, the king cuts your tongue...
EGYPT
you say "Fuck you" to the president?!? You are too
late my friend; you've already been "Fucked" by the president!!!
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Masculin and Feminin reasoning !
A French teacher was explaining to her class that
in French, unlike English, nouns are designated
as either masculine or feminine. "House" is
feminine -- "la maison."
"Pencil" is masculine -- "le crayon."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split
the class into two groups -- male and female
and asked them to decide for themselves whether
"computer" should be a masculine or a feminine
noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons
for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should
definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their
internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate
with other computers is incomprehensible to
everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in
long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you
find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that
computers should be Masculine (le computer"),
because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to
turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't
think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that
if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won. This is quite nice as french lesson :)
in French, unlike English, nouns are designated
as either masculine or feminine. "House" is
feminine -- "la maison."
"Pencil" is masculine -- "le crayon."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split
the class into two groups -- male and female
and asked them to decide for themselves whether
"computer" should be a masculine or a feminine
noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons
for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should
definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their
internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate
with other computers is incomprehensible to
everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in
long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you
find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that
computers should be Masculine (le computer"),
because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to
turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't
think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that
if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won. This is quite nice as french lesson :)
Monday, March 06, 2006
What a romantic husband !! :)
A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage.
The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on.
Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, he embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.
The counselor turns to the husband and says "that is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday, I golf."
The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on.
Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, he embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.
The counselor turns to the husband and says "that is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday, I golf."
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